


the way to somewhere

by notsylvia



Series: to all the countries i've loved before [6]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 2 years ago, ANGST!!, Angst, F/M, Someone almost dies, Ugh, Wow!, alec benjamin's song inspired this!, but i love writing and hetalia, but that's too unlike me lol, depressed reader!!, ever heard of depression?, hey for the first time no one dies!, i feel like crying again, i hate feelings, i relate to the reader, it's called the way to nowhere, not yay!!!, personally?, trigger warning, yea that shit hit me hard like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 15:48:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16178222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notsylvia/pseuds/notsylvia
Summary: "she turned to stare at the bottle of pills that sat on her nightstand. if she swallowed the whole bottle, she'll die. if she swallowed the whole bottle, she'll no longer be rotting in the living world. if she swallowed the whole bottle...she'll be in paradise..."[trigger warning ; suicide, pills, depressive/suicidal thoughts, signs of self-harm ; please read with caution!]





	the way to somewhere

_she's tryna go the distance, but she's running out of love_   
_it doesn't make a difference, no it's never quite enough_

~

"hey! (name)!" gilbert beamed, running towards the girl as she walked towards the exit of the school. she turned around once she heard his voice.

"hey," she said, forcing a smile onto her face. "what's up?" she asked.

"nothing much," he replied, bored. "you look down and that's unawesome, so what's up with you?"

"down? i'm perfectly fine," she lied, laughing and brushing off whatever gilbert had just said. "are you going to study for that maths test tomorrow?"

"no, the awesome me doesn't study!" gilbert answered. he was fully aware that (name) just evaded his question by asking him an irrelevant question. he wanted to believe that she was fine, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that she was lying and that something was wrong. _very_ wrong.

"huh. just make sure you don't fail, this is the only test we'll have for our assessment this term," she told him calmly.

"yea, yea, i won't fail, watch the awesome me!"

~

(name) inhaled sharply as she watched the blood drip from her wrist to the floor of the bathroom.

"(name)? are you okay in there?" her mother asked, concern apparent in her voice. "you have been in the washroom for a while now."

"yea, mom," (name) lied. "i'm fine, don't worry."

"well," her mother told her. "i'm leaving for my shift soon, make sure you take care of yourself at home, okay? love you."

"love you too."

maybe she should do it now, her mother isn't home, and no one will be able to stop her from doing what she wanted to do. she stared bleakly at her reflection in the mirror. her dull (hair colour) matched with her (eye colour) eyes which once shone like stars in the night. 

where did the old (name) go? she used to be so lively and cheery...that was so long ago. what happened? what happened to make her smile disappear? 

that was something (name) herself would like to know as well...

~

"brother?" ludwig's voice called out to his couch potato of a brother who was sitting in the living room, switching between the different channels on the television. 

"hm?" gilbert answered, keeping his eyes glued to the television screen. ludwig made his way to the living room from the washroom and sat down beside gilbert.

"haven't you noticed anything about (name)?" ludwig asked his brother, hoping he would have the same answer that ludwig did. 

the question piqued gilbert's attention, and he tore his attention away from the television to look at his younger brother. "like what?"

ludwig sighed softly. "her sleeves were rolled up during art class, and i saw cuts up her arm. a lot of cuts," he told gilbert.

gilbert thought to himself for a moment. "now that you mentioned it, she has been acting really weird lately! like she would avoid questions that had to do with how she is feeling or things like that." 

"do...do you maybe think that she is..." ludwig began. 

"depressed?"

_~_

(name) stared out the window, the window reflecting her image, as if mocking her pathetic life and her current state. it was nighttime, the houses that were across from hers illuminated with lights coming through the different windows. 

she turned to stare at the bottle of pills that sat on her nightstand. if she swallowed the whole bottle, she'll die. if she swallowed the whole bottle, she'll no longer be rotting in the living world. if she swallowed the whole bottle...

she'll be in paradise...

as she was piecing all of these together in her mind, her eyes lit up with the spark that she had lost so long ago, and she quickly grabbed the bottle of pills.

~

"shit, shit!" gilbert cursed, getting out of his car as he raced towards (name)'s house, banging on her door furiously. "open up!" 

there was no response, only the unsettling silence. gilbert was getting more and more anxious as the seconds pass, and eventually he opted to just kick her door down.

with the door out of his way, he rushed up the stairs and quickly looked around to find (name)'s room. he was going to run across the second level until he noticed an open door. he tip-toed to the room and peered inside, watching as (name) unscrewed the cap to a bottle of pills. 

it clicked in his mind and in the spur of the moment, he ran forward and pushed her onto the bed. 

"no! you will not do that!" gilbert growled as he placed his arms on the sides of her head, preventing her from escaping his sight.

"what the hell, gilbert?" (name) snarled as she stared into his bright ruby red eyes that glistened with tears. "a-are you crying?" she asked, as her face softened, reaching her hand out to caress his cheek, wiping away the tears that had rolled down with her delicate thumb. 

"why would you want to do that?" gilbert asked, desperation and an immeasurable amount of guilt clear in his voice and eyes, as he stared into (name)'s beautiful (eye colour) eyes.

"i-i d-don't know..." her voice came out soft and strained, as if she had been holding back these feelings for so long, they were about to overflow and cause her to break. tears flooded her waterline as her hand moved away from gilbert's cheek and placed it back down her side. 

"i-i really don't k-know..." her words came out choked as her tears overflowed from her eyes and suddenly, she felt herself engulfed in a warm embrace. she was shocked, but she accepted it nonetheless, wrapping her arms around him and sobbing her heart out onto his shoulder.

...maybe living isn't so bad...

~

_she's tryna go the distance, now she's got a little love_   
_a little makes a difference, even if it's not enough_


End file.
